One-Liners

| A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z |

A

There are only two ways to avoid alimony: either stay single or stay married.

B

“Should this boat sink, whom would you save first, me or the children?”
“Me.”

C

Today, children of 6 seem to know all the questions and at 16 they know all the answers.

D

My doctor, before treating my nose and ear, asked for an arm and a leg.

E

Beggars do not envy millionaires, though of course they will envy other beggars who are more successful. ~ Bertrand Russell

F

I always eat dessert first, because life is so uncertain.

G

There are two kinds of girls: the nice kind and the kind I get.

H

“May I hold your hand?”
“No, thanks. It isn’t heavy.”

I

Now you can see $10 shoes marked down from $30 to $27.95.

J

A good husband is one who laughs at his own jokes when his wife tells them.

K

It takes a lot of experience for a girl to kiss like a beginner.

L

Everybody wants to live longer but nobody wants to grow old.

M

The only thing you can get without money is sick.

N

I’m sure we met; I can’t remember your face but I never forget a dress.

O

Growing old is a bad habit which a busy man has no time to form.

P

I saw a girl carried this big sign saying: MAKE LOVE, NOT WAR – with a price on it!

Q

Everyone tells me ‘God is the answer.’ But what is the question?

R

I asked the waiter what I could get for a dollar and he gave me four quarters.

S

My secretary asked me for a new pen. The old one is beginning to make mistakes.

T

No matter how bad a child is, he’s still good for a tax exemption.

U

Is there a law which dictates that those who hold tickets for the centre seats in the row of a theatre always arrive last?

V

Vacation usually consists of 2 weeks, which are 2 short, after which you are 2 tired to return 2 work and 2
broke not 2.

W

I highly recommend worrying. It is much more effective than dieting.

X

If you’ve got a X one-liner, please share it with us.

Y

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, except when you yawn.

Z

(on old age) First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and
finally, you forget to pull it down.

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